Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
