he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
