i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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