two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
