Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize