even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
