addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
