if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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