My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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