I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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