Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
