70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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