He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
