do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
