Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
