so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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