if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
