So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
