what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
