WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
