Will you blow on my dice?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
