don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
