marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
