You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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