She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
