Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
