The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
