Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
