I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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