thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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