I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
