why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
