somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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