Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And then he peed in my hair
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
