I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
