yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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