Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
