THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry about my life...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
