i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
