apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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