Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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