And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
