Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
