I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize