She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
