You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
