last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
