If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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