The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
