don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize