So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ttyl tear gas
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize