Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
