if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I checked into jail on foursquare
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
