Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
