Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
