so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
