i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
