I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
