There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize