She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
