People in love make me want to vomit
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
