yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
