Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
