My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
