it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
