I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
