You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
