the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
