AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
