if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Success! We fucked roommates!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
