i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
