Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ugly people sure do ruin things
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
