Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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