Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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