Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
