You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
