If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
