Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
