Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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